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                               Bridging Cultures, Lives and Hearts

Gratitude
 

My 9-year-old daughter Camille Xiaoting and I recently went to China as part of a group of families with children adopted from China. The itinerary was complicated, unforeseen challenges arose, and changes were made as we went along. Ming Hua He of Chinese Cultural Exchange & Homeland Tours accomplished this with incredible good humor and skill. With the assistance of her husband Greg, she made it look easy. I believe that if given the opportunity she could discover the way to create world peace!

During our time together, Greg talked about gratitude. He believes that it is important for our children to see other ways of life, so that they have a broader perspective on their own lives.

The trip was awesome and among other things, got me thinking about gratitude.

Here are some of the gratitude highlights of the trip:

1. Over the course of the 10 days that we traveled together, 8 separate families became one large family. The children were amazing, they became a group of 11 siblings who together jumped rope at the Temple of Heaven, played with Chinese yo-yos at the Forbidden City, flew kites at the Wild Goose Pagoda and climbed the Great Wall of China. They immediately bonded and got along well, despite the heavy touring schedule and the heat.

2. There were Western toilets almost everywhere we went. We lovingly referred to the Chinese toilets as “squatters”, which I think gives you all the information you need about them.  Whenever we got to a restaurant or a tourist attraction that had a “sitter” we happily lined up to use it.

3. I was traveling with a group of adults who were all interested in the story of our adoption and every detail related to it. I observed all of us telling our stories to each other. A very validating experience.

4. We visited the 7^th and 8^th wonders of the world, The Great Wall of China and the Terracotta warriors and we stayed in a hotel across the street from the South Sea.

5. One of the wonderful girls in the group had almost died from a medical condition several years ago. And here she was one of our group of healthy, resilient children.

6. I had the stamina and good health to be able to walk the Great Wall at a good pace.

7. We met many special people. On one of our domestic flights in China Camille and I sat next to a young woman from California who was with another tour group. We told her about our group and tears came to her eyes, it turned out that she was adopted.

8. I didn’t know what to expect from our visit to the orphanage. It turned out to be fun. We had a good time with the nannies. The staff remembered Camille and they liked her. It did provide some closure, but it was mostly joyful.

So we had lots to be grateful for, and I contend that we all have lots to be grateful for everyday, even on those really bad days.

I could probably make a list of challenges we faced before and during the trip, but instead this comes to mind:

“I felt bad that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

The practice of gratitude can be the starting point of a more satisfying life. It's something anyone can do; it takes a few minutes a day and doesn't cost a dime.

There have been studies that indicate that people who practice gratitude are happier, less stressed, more satisfied with their relationships and have higher levels of control of their environment. Grateful people have more positive ways of dealing with problems, and sleep better. Studies have shown that if you think more positive thoughts before going to sleep you will sleep better.

Although there are many emotions and traits that are important elements of a satisfying life, gratitude is a uniquely important element. Gratitude has been demonstrated to explain well being more that any other of the most commonly studied personality traits.

I have so much to be grateful for including my wonderful daughter, and the experience of visiting her homeland. I also feel grateful every day for things like a delicious cup of coffee or finding a good parking spot! We all have moments like this, even on difficult days. The key is to be aware of these moments and focus our attention on them.

One way to make gratitude part of you life is to keep a gratitude journal, a proven method of increasing emotional and physical well being. Every night before you go to sleep write down 5 things for which you are grateful. It can be a meal or an important accomplishment. It's ok to repeat the same things. The important thing is to experience the feeling as you write the item down. Make a commitment to practice this for just 10 days and see what happens. You will experience an appreciation of the positive in your life.

Another way is to write a gratitude letter or make a gratitude visit. This is not a thank you note, although those are great too! It is a thoughtful statement about what gives you pleasure in a relationship and describes specific aspects of a relationship. It is a simple and profound exercise that has great meaning for both the author and recipient.

Life is really all in how we view it and how we think about it. Wouldn't you just rather have a happy and positive life? It's in your power. Practice gratitude and see what a difference it can make.

COACHING RESULTS

ETTIE SHAPIRO, LCSW

347-964-6983

coachettie@optonline.net

www.ettieshapiro.com

www.linkedin.com/in/EttieShapiro